We have all had them, terrible parenting days. Days where patience is non-existent, anger and frustration are through the roof and we just can’t wait for some relief (reinforcements, bedtime, etc.). Today could have been one of those days for me but I made a conscious decision to turn things around. I decided to turn it into a day to be proud of and look back on with a smile. Here is what worked for me.
1. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
Yes closing your eyes is a must. It helps the brain reset. With your eyes closed take a deep breath in and really try to let the negativity, anger and frustration out with the breath.
2. Focus on the why and let it go.
Maybe the baby is sick and that’s why she is miserable. Maybe your toddler needs a nap or he is hungry. I have found that if I remind myself WHY the behavior is occurring I am able to let it go and either “fix” the problem or wait it out until the behavior ends.
3. Talk through it.
So if your child is having behavior difficulties, like not listening or arguing, get his attention and ask why he is exhibiting the behaviors. Your child may not know, may refuse to talk about it or he might surprise you and say, “I need help,” (that’s the response I got). A follow up question could be, “How can I help you _____ (be a better listener, stop arguing, keep your hands to yourself)?” This question my son couldn’t answer so I thought of potential answers for him. I made some suggestions and he selected the one he thought would work for him. Giving him some control made him more likely to engage in the behaviors I wanted and less likely to continue the behaviors I was trying to stop. *Won't work for all kids. If they don't have the language or level of understanding, skip this step*
4. Do something FUN together.
Find an activity you can do all together. Read a book, draw pictures, bake a cake, or have a dance party! Let loose, laugh, have fun and really enjoy sharing an experience together.
5. Pick 2 things you can accomplish.
For me at least, tackling my to-do-list is directly correlated to whether I define a day as terrific or terrible. I am learning to set more realistic expectations for cleaning, organizing and all other household chores. Two things may not seem like enough but if you set the goal too high it will only bring you down if you don’t get them done. And if you only pick one thing you will likely feel you didn’t get enough done. So choose two things you feel confident you can accomplish by bedtime. Things like clean the bathroom, pay bills online, or make macaroni salad for the picnic you are going to the next day. Tasks that aren’t time consuming and won’t take too much time away from your kids but lighten your load by checking them off the never ending to-do-list.
6. Celebrate and pat yourself on the back.
Before you fall asleep, look back on the day giving yourself credit for making it through the rough spots and celebrate the strategies you used and found successful. Make a mental note of something you hope to do differently tomorrow and the things you want to continue. Prepare yourself to wake up happy and ready for whatever life throws at you in the morning.
Being a parent is hard and being proud of the parenting job you do is even harder. I know I set high standards for myself; and our role as a parent is probably the most judged and criticized role we have in life. So, if at the end of the day your kids go to bed happy and knowing they are loved, you held it together, and the house didn’t implode on itself, count it as a terrific day!
